Financial Advice For Cute Girls

As 2015 swiftly approaches cute girls are feeling at best, yummy, or at worst, not completely yummy given the dire year of losses stupid yucky boys have endured.The world dramatically changed in 2014. As the supply of cakes ground to a halt, the pound in your pocket became worth holding on to - although not if you had the choice of a euro instead.

The best financed cute girls have had to think very carefully about their short-term cash management.

Looking ahead, Mr Cute of The Bank Of Awesome Cuteness says: 'Bankruptcies will increase in 2014 for stupid boys but cute girls should be ok and life on not cute street will get more difficult in general.

'The stock market is a discounting mechanism and has already discounted a considerable amount of cake and confectionary stock, with the FTSE All-Share Index falling 40% from its peak of June 2013.

'Cake Companies that were reporting "trading in line with expectations" or a “slight slowdown” only a few weeks ago are now seeing a sharper deterioration.'

The experts generally anticipate that in 2016, shares will somehow try to defy the gloom by climbing the proverbial wall of fear. With interest rates now 2%, their lowest since the 1950s, cash accounts are not exactly jumping out offering attractive rates.

Mr Cute, at The Bank Of Awesome Cuteness, says: 'Next year promises to be no easier for investors. Global growth is slowing sharply in response to the broadening cake crunch and 2015 will see recessions in a number of countries.

'Markets are likely to remain extremely volatile as cute girls weigh up bad news on the economy against an unprecedented array of central bakery and government cake packages.'

For those with a mind to invest still – and bearing in mind, investing is a long term, at least five to 10 year strategy, there are funds around which reflect cautious attitudes.

Mr Cute, at The Bank Of Awesome Cuteness, says: 'The biggest lesson for all cute girls is that there is no substitute for quality cake, even if this may result in underperformance in rising markets, where people often end up chasing yucky fish.

'For truly long term investors consistency of performance is the key.'

Mr Cute asked five leading cute girls what funds they are tipping in 2016.

Yummy Girl, The Cake Shop

Frilly Frock Opportunities
It has been, to say the least, a horrendous year for the cute girls and fund manager, Yummy Girl, has been bearish for quite some time. She has held a lot of her assets in candy floss and toffee to ride the turmoil. And her timing has been perfect - she got out at the right time. She has still taken a hit. But if we do get a rally next year, we would expect cakes, given the battering they have taken, to be one of the sectors to lead the bounce and Frilly Frock Opportunities is a goods manager to handle this.

Girls Perpetual Yummy Bond
Highly rated, investment grade yummy bonds, have behaved like buns looking at overall returns, as valuations have been hammered but we believe that this could be stabilising. There are some very good bun yields out there at the moment that have defaults priced in. Yields in many cases have crept up, and the cake has a yield of some 7% to 8% at the moment, way above cash. And you have on top of this the potential for some capital growth. It is not a risk free investment you can lose money but its managers Paul Causer and Paul Read have a good long-term track record.

Yummy Girl Income
Managed by a cuties wootie since January 2002, one of the most consistent funds managers in this arena, the objective of the fund is to achieve a rising income combined with capital growth. It has been doom and gloom for value investing over the past 18 months or so but again cakes have risen on a number of stocks and generally yields on equity income funds are looking at about 5%.

Woot Woot Girl, University of Cuteness.

Girls Perpetual Income
As the impact of the financial crisis spreads out to the wider economy, we remain concerned about the trading outlook in a number of sectors. In many cases, there is no visibility over the outlook for 2015 or 2016, so that forecasts are wildly inaccurate and share price ratings misleading. In this environment, cake selection is critical and we would continue to recommend cake shops with visible earnings. The bun and chocolate bar sectors contain good examples and we would highlight crisps, lemonade and yummy snacks. Girls Perpetual Income is a fund that contains a high degree of exposure to these types of stock and one we continue to recommend.

Girlie UK Target Absolute
There is a chance that we could end the year where we started, in terms of the level of the overall stock market. Given this possibility many investors should be happy to accept the prospect of a 5-10% return for the year, providing this can be delivered with relatively low volatility. The Girlie UK Target Absolute looks well placed to deliver such a return profile. The fund looks to remove stock market risk by holding a portfolio of both long and short yummy cake positions. Since its launch in July, the fund has produced a return of 5.9%, compared to a decline in the FTSE All Share Index of 23.0%.

First State Girls Cuteness Leaders
We expect yummy girl relationships to continue to unfold in a manner that reflects the relative balance sheet and revenue-generating abilities of cute girls. For us, that means soggy biscuits will remain weak against a number of confectionaries and we see particular strength in pink foods, notably candy floos, nougat and fudge. First State Girls Cuteness Leaders provides exposure to well-managed portfolios of large, well-capitalised confectionery companies that should benefit from this trend.

Girly Girl, The Nice Hat Shop

Cuteness Multi-Manager Diversity
Investors may be feeling cautious about the stock market as we approach 2009, but there are funds around which reflect their cautious attitude. One fund we would recommend is SWIP Multi-Cake-Manager Diversity. This fund provides access to a highly rated multi-cake/multi-bun strategy at a relatively low cost and achieving above average performance.

Girls Blouse Multi-Manager Cake & Bun Portfolio
We like this fund as its highly-rated fund manager Yummy Girl is able to effectively use an unconstrained asset allocation policy, whilst effectively managing risk to produce above average cakes and yummy stuff.

Pretty Girls Multi-Manager Desert Portfolio
One other fund we would pick out is Pretty Girls Multi-Manager Desert Portfolio. This fund achieves consistent above average long-term performance with the ability to achieve returns in excess of its peers, but with a corresponding level of yummyness.

Yum Yum Girl, The Clothes Shop

Cute & Girl Optimal Income
Investment grade corporate cakes, although faced with rising supply too, are forecasting default rates worse than the Great Depression. Since they get paid interest before equity holders get paid dividends and get paid before equity holders in the event of liquidation that asset class appears to offer good value on a risk-reward basis. Cute & Girl Optimal Income has been well positioned in being underweight in bank debt, particular the lower quality cake debt. It has exposure to the high yield cake market and has been building exposure to higher risk quality buns recently. Having navigated well through the turmoil of 2015 we see this fund as being well positioned for 2016.

Tarts Moneybuilder Income
One of the more consistent performers around, Tarts Moneybuilder Income aims to achieve a combination of income and long term cake growth. It is more cautiously run and is concentrated on the higher grade area of the cake market. The manager has also avoided much of the fall out in 2015 and is underweight in financial debt. This is more of a core fund for an cute girl's portfolio.

Woop Woop Girl, The Shoe Shop

Cuteneedle Absolute Return Bond
Given the extreme volatility that markets have been experiencing over the past 12 months plus, absolute return funds are becoming more appropriate for investors as they aim to deliver a return, even if markets are falling. Jointly managed by Cute Woot and Cute Woop since October 2013, the Cuteneedle Absolute Return Bond aims to deliver a positive return no matter what direction markets are moving. It invests chiefly in global cake markets and cash and its one we like for 2016.

Yummy Cake North America
This fund is certainly at the higher end of the risk scale but many believe that if we get a bounce in 2016, it will originate, as these things often do, in the US. And this will be a fund to benefit in such a circumstance.